KAMBROMYOMAXIA: OR THE MOUSE-TRAP; Being a Translation of Mr. HOLDSWORTH'S MUSCIPULA, 1737. By ****. THE Mountain-Briton, first of men who fram'd Bonds for the Mouse, first who the tiny thief In prison clos'd vexatious — fatal wiles, And death inextricate — sing, heav'nly Muse. Thou PHOEBUS, (for to Mice thyself wast erst A foe, in antique lore thence SMINTHEUS call'd,) Inspire the Song; and 'mongst the Cambrian Hills Thy Pindus choosing, smile upon the Muse, Whom lowly themes and humble verse delight. The Mouse, an hostile Animal, enur'd To live by rapine, now long time had rov'd Where'er his lust innate of spoil led on; And unaveng'd his wicked craft pursu'd; Long fearless, unaveng'd — All things on earth Felt his fell tooth, while safe in nimble speed Evasive, he in ev'ry dainty dish His revels held secure. Nought was untouch'd, But ev'ry feast wail'd the domestic foe, A constant guest unbidden. Nor strong walls His thefts obstruct, nor massy bars avail, Nor doors robust, to save the luscious cates: Through walls, and bars, and doors he eats his way Contemptuous, and regales with unbought fare. Thus wail'd the helpless world the general foe, But Cambria most; for Cambria's od'rous stores Most stimulate the curious taste of Mouse: Not with a taste content, or lambent kiss, (The fate of common cheese,) he undermines And hollows with reiterated tooth Eatable Palaces. The Nation saw, And rag'd — Revenge and grief distract their minds — What shou'd they do? They foam, they gnash their teeth, And o'er their pendant rocks in fury rove, Restless with rage — for Nature prone to rage The Cambrians form'd, and bade their fiery breasts Burst into sudden flame — that men would deem Their souls were with their fingers sulphur-ting'd. It is decreed — Rage prompts them to revenge Unsated but with blood — Yet by what means, What art the cautious felon to ensnare, They doubt: for, Cambria, thy Grimalkin race Nor to the house defence, nor in distress So imminent, cou'd aught of succour bring. Oft had the Cat plac'd at the cavern's mouth The various ambuscade; as oft with paw Soft-silent creeping, near the hollow cell Kept wary watch — In vain — The little Mouse In little bulk secure, (advantage great Over a Giant Foe!) if chance he spy Her watching at his door intent on prey, Inward he flies, his serpentine recess Pursues, and caves impervious to Cat: Nor dares again thrust out his head in air, Nor form new sallies, till the siege be rais'd, And danger with the watchful foe withdrawn. The Cambrians thus, (if Cambrians with the Mouse We may compare,) when Roman JULIUS sought To join the Britons to the world subdu'd, Eluded his vain toil. — To their retreat At once a nation vanish'd; in their rocks, Rampires impregnable, lay safe obscur'd 'Mid circling ruin; and of conquest though Despairing, to be conquerable scorn'd. Their long, unbroken lineage hence they boast, Their country unsubdued, and ancient tongue. Thus did the Mouse, by custom tutor'd, oft Evade the hostile paw; nor Cambria's sons Had hope from their confederate of the war: When strait, on th' utmost frontiers of their Land, Where now Menevia the shrunk honours mourns Of her divided mitre, of whose walls Half-buried but an empty name remains, Behold a Council summons'd. From each side See Nobles, Fathers, and the vulgar throng Of stench sulphureous, mix. An ancient Sage, Whose length of beard oft from his native hills The goat with envy ey'd; his hands, his face With scurf of ancient growth encrusted o'er; Broken with years, against a post reclin'd, (By Cambrian backs still shaken) in the midst Stood visible to all, and with deep tone These words precipitating, gutt'ral spake. "Of open war we treat not, but sly theft — "No foreign foe, but a too inmate guest "(That heavier evil) summons us to meet. "Still shall the bold insulter lord it thus, "The tyrant Mouse? Rouse, aweful Fathers, rouse; "Ye, to whose breasts your country's good is dear, "By counsel end these horrors; and if aught "Of hope remain, now lend propitious aid: "So shall your glory grow, your names be known "Immortal as CAIDWALADER'S in fame. " He spake, and strait the fragments, mouldy scraps, Reliques of rapine, monuments of theft, High in their sight uprearing, rous'd their rage. Now thirst of dire revenge, now lust of fame Burns emulous, and fires each Patriot breast; Each meditates to Mouse unheard of fate, And ev'ry brain is hamm'ring on a TRAP. But one 'bove all by th' honour-added name Of TAFFY fam'd, far more for wit renown'd: Cambria ne'er bred his peer, whether at forge, Or council; Senator and Blacksmith He. Thus 'gan the Sage — "Should Cheese, our Nation's boast, "In Cambria be extinct, I fear our hinds "Wou'd mourn their whole meals sunk, and Nobles grieve "The honours lost, that crown'd the second course. "Since then nor Cambria's courage, nor her Cats "Against the monsters can prevail, we'll try "If this mechanic hand, if craft, deceit, "Can aught advantage: in a foe none asks "If force prevail, or fraud." Strait at this boast, All fix on TAFFY their expecting eyes, All in glad murmurs speak their promis'd joy, Wait whence the bliss; question, and burn to know. Scratching his head, (as British heads demand,) He ghastly smil'd, and strait with freer air Proceeded thus — "When wearied, at the close "Of yester sun I gave my limbs to rest, "And slumber deep my eyes had quench'd; a Mouse "Bold and pursuing, as I guess, the trail, "Which unconnected Cheese recent exhal'd "From out my viscous jaws, stole down my mouth "Then discontinuous; and reaching now "My very entrails, strait their crude contents "'Gan gnaw, and through my throat ill-fortified "My yester's meal, alas! triumphant drags. "When sudden rous'd from sleep, in his retreat "I 'twixt my teeth the felon snap'd, and bound "Vainly rebellious in the biting chain. "Instructed thus that Mouse might be enthrall'd, "New visionary prison-houses rise "In my revolving mind, and such restraints, "As the late captive of my jaws suggests. "By what mysterious laws the hand of JOVE "Moves sublunary things! By what hid rules "The chain of causes acts! the Mouse himself "To us involuntary succour brings, "And for the wounds he gave himself prescribes. "Blush not by such a master to improve; "From foes to learn, honour nor right forbids. " These said, homeward he his. Th' applauding throng Accompany his route, and to his toil Propitious omens beg. Each to his house Bends his swift course; each to his Lares flies, Glad harbinger of this expected birth From TAFFY'S brain: and whilst they tell the tale, Whilst to the Gods for glad event they bend Of the great enterprize, the Mousing Kind (Prophetic instinct!) shew unwonted joy Gamesome; and (if we credit Fame) beneath The matron's hand dances the embryo cheese. TAFFY mean while with head, and hand, and heart, Plies his great work, with PALLAS' aid divine The MOUSE-TRAP builds. A wonderful machine Now stood confess'd; and form 'till then unknown The Tragi-comic edifice indu'd. Now smile, sweet Muse, and to our sight disclose The infant fabric; each particular Dilate, and join them in the finish'd pile. Of oblong form twin planks of wood compose The base and roof; a wiry palisade Fences each side, on whose small columns rais'd The fabric stands: th' insi'dious gate invites With friendly-seeming welcome; but on high, Depending from a slender thread, the vast Portcullis threats, to thoughtless Mice sure death. (Such is the thread of life, spun by the FATES To Mouse and Man — All on a thread depend.) Amidst the level roof shoots up a mast Erect, in whose cleft head a slender beam Transverse inserted plays, and on each side Extends its poised arms; whose one extreme Depress'd, one equally the pendent door Exalts. Within, let through a slender bore, A wire depends that fluctuates with a touch; The lower part is cramp'd into a hook, Tenacious of the bait; while th' upper gripes Th' extremest handle of the treach'rous beam. But soon as e'er it feels the foe to 've touch'd The fatal food, the loosen'd portal strait Lets fall, and speaks the first attack reveng'd. Things thus dispos'd, instant the pendent hook TAFFY with treason cloaths, and turns to death The very food of Mouse: but, that his cheese More fragrant may from far the Foe invite, Toasts the fell bait, and strengthens the perfume. And now appear'd the memorable night, When on his bed TAFFY his limbs fatigu'd Reposing, near his pillow's downy side His Minion MOUSE-TRAP set, and all-secure I' th' faithful centry, slumber sweet indulg'd. The frolic Mice, (a tribe audacious they) Safe in the covert of the silent night, Now sport abroad: when one, a leader Mouse, Of nose sagacious, born the Gods his foes, The hostile ambush seeks, led by the scent Of toasted cheese delicious. The Grate resists His swift career, and entrance first denies — But he, to suffer such severe repulse Indignant, round the wiry fortress scours, And crisps his nose, and with sagacious beard A pass explores; and enter'd now the lines, Impassable again, of all his wish At length possess'd, the deadly bait secures, Feasts on his ruin, and enjoys his fate. TAFFY, whom strait the pendulous door, scarce drop'd, With sudden clap had wak'd, you might behold Now on his elbow prop'd, now from his bed Skipping triumphant, fir'd with thirst to know What new-come guest. The Mouse ridiculous Rages within, batters with front and foot, Proves with his head each wiry interval, And wears with raging tooth his iron hold. Driv'n to the toils so raves the Marsian boar Horrid, and shakes his waving bonds, the sport Of circling dogs; he flings about his foam, And on his front erect the bristles stare. The morrow came, and from her rocky highths, Precipitant, whole Cambria pours; for strait In ev'ry ear the novel tale was rife — Nor wonder, for the Ass, his solemn wont Relax'd, nor mindful of his late slow pace, The mountain climbs more wanton than the kid: Thence with sonorous din from rusty throat, (The Cambrian Herald simulating,) thrice Thee, TAFFY, bray'd; thrice told the public joy. Nor less the Owl; (from that great Aera term'd Cambria's Embassador:) for through her towns, And utmost limits wand'ring wild that night, She scratch'd the windows with her ominous beak, Grating harsh dissonance, and sung in shrieks The instant fate of Mouse. The lab'ring rocks Bring forth, and Pembroke's, and Mervinia's sons In swarms condens'd rush down; and whom the walls Of Bonium hold, and Maridunum fam'd For their prophetic bard, MERLIN; and whom Fruitful Glamorgan feeds, and he that drinks Of Vaga's stream, with the rough hardy clown Montgomery manures. — Then TAFFY, 'midst The crowded ring, his raging prey insults. "Vain are thy efforts — fix'd thy doom of death, "On this my altar the first victim thou, "To dye with memorable blood the frame. "No hope remains: thy flight these wiry posts "Inexorable bar — Dread, wicked wight, "The fate thy merits ask; for these thy bonds "Thou quit'st not but with life." The fatal words Scarce had he spoke, when from the sunny thatch, (Her wonted haunt, when with extended limbs She basks luxurious, winking in soft ease,) Down leap'd the playful Cat. — Her swift approach The captive eyes, and pricks his ears, and stiff Bristles his gibbous back, nor dares attempt The portal now up-drawn; but his sole hope Of freedom only in his prison fix'd, With hooked talons grasps his bonds, and hangs Tenacious by his feet — At length he drops Out-shaken: instant to her prey the Cat Flies rapid, and With rude, embrace enfolds, And savage kisses on her struggling foe (Vain efforts!) cruelly imprints. No pause Her rage admits; her sinuous-twirling tail Denotes the Victor's joy; her body moves Agil in wanton frolicks, watching now Prone on the earth intent the destin'd Mouse; His neck now lightly pats with hurtless paw, Dissembling love; but ruminates the while To tear him limb from limb. The Mouser thus, Witty in tyranny, with various art Wanton barbarity enjoys: but now, Tir'd with the sportive mockery, no more Conceals her rage, but o'er her trembling prey Like the starv'd lion hangs, and growling tears His gory entrails, and convulsive limbs. The circling croud, soon as his hated blood Sprinkled they spy, fill with glad shouts the air; And ECHO, tenant of the Cambrian hills, Their clam'rous joy repeats; Plinlimmon's highth, And Brechin with the loftier Snowdon join: To th' neighb'ring stars the loud acclaim ascends, And OFFA'S Ditch rebellows to the din. TAFFY, for ever live — Ev'n to this day Thy gift the Cambrian celebrates; and Thee Commemorates each circling year. The land Grateful, its native honours to maintain, Each joyful head crowns redolent with Leek.