WE'VE HED SEC A DURDUM.

WE'VE hed sec a durdum at Gobbleston parish,
 For twonty lang years there's nit been sec a fair;
 We'd slack reape, and tight reape, and dogs that wer dancin,
 Wi' leytle roun hats on to gar the fwok stare:
 A leytle black messet danc'd sae leyke auld Jenny,
 I thought it wad niver run out o' my head;
 It was last thing at neet, and the first i' the mworning,
 And I rwoar'd leyke a fuil as I laid i' my bed! 

And we had stage playing, and actors frae Lunnon,
 At hed sec a canny and bonny leyke say;
 I forgat the black messet, and gowl'd leyke a ninny,
 Tho' I said to mysel, "Wey, its nobbet a play!" 
But aw that was naething, for mony wer blinded,
 And Jemmy, that brags aw the town for a feght,
 He twistet and twirlt — it was just for an off-put,
 But aw wadn't dui, for he gowl'd hawf the neet. 

And Betty Mac Nippen, and five of her dowters,
 As feyne as May garlans, were clwose at my back;
 I was flayt they wad hinder fwok hear aw the speeching,
 But they gowl'd sec a guid'n, that nin o' them spak:
 And Betty hes heard frae her sister in Lunnon,
 And she's sent the bairns sec a mwort o' feyne things,
 That if Betty Mac Nippen wad mek tem stage players,
 She cud fit tem out, ay leyke queens or leyke kings. 

Then down-the-brow Wully tuik up his cwoat lappet,
 And held til his een, for he's given to jeer;
 But I had it frae yen that was even fornenst him,
 'Twas weel for his sel his cwoat lappet was near. 
Oh — Venus perserv'd was the neame o' the actin,
 And Jaffer was him hed the beautiful weyfe;
 Tho' I gowl'd aw the teyme, it's a wonder to tell on't,
 I niver was hawf sae weel pleas'd i' my leyfe!