Written
for
my
Son
,
and
spoken
by
him
at
his
first
putting
on
Breeches
.
What
is
it
our
Mamma's
bewitches
,
To
plague
us
little
Boys
with
Breeches
?
To
Tyrant
Custom
we
must
yield
,
Whilst
vanquish'd
Reason
flies
the
Field
.
Our
Legs
must
suffer
by
Ligation
,
To
keep
the
Blood
from
Circulation
;
And
then
our
Feet
,
tho'
young
and
tender
,
We
to
the
Shoemaker
surrender
;
Who
often
makes
our
Shoes
so
strait
,
Our
growing
Feet
they
cramp
and
fret
;
Whilst
,
with
Contrivance
most
profound
,
Across
our
Insteps
we
are
bound
;
Which
is
the
Cause
,
I
make
no
Doubt
,
Why
Thousands
suffer
in
the
Gout
.
Our
wiser
Ancestors
wore
Brogues
,
Before
the
Surgeons
brib'd
these
Rogues
,
With
narrow
Toes
,
and
Heels
like
Pegs
,
To
help
to
make
us
break
our
Legs
.
Then
,
ere
we
know
to
use
our
Fists
;
Our
Mothers
closely
bind
our
Wrists
;
And
never
think
our
Cloaths
are
neat
,
Till
they're
so
tight
we
cannot
eat
.
And
,
to
increase
our
other
Pains
,
The
Hat-band
helps
to
cramp
our
Brains
.
The
Cravat
finishes
the
Work
,
Like
Bow-string
sent
from
the
Grand
Turk
.
Thus
Dress
,
that
should
prolong
our
Date
,
Is
made
to
hasten
on
our
Fate
.
Fair
Privilege
of
nobler
Natures
,
To
be
more
plagu'd
than
other
Creatures
!
The
wild
Inhabitants
of
Air
Are
cloath'd
by
Heav'n
with
wondrous
Care
:
Their
beauteous
,
well-compacted
Feathers
Are
Coats
of
Mail
against
all
Weathers
;
Enamell'd
,
to
delight
the
Eye
;
Gay
,
as
the
Bow
that
decks
the
Sky
.
The
Beasts
are
cloath'd
with
beauteous
Skins
:
The
Fishes
arm'd
with
Scales
and
Fins
;
Whose
Lustre
lends
the
Sailer
Light
,
When
all
the
Stars
are
hid
in
Night
.
O
were
our
Dress
contriv'd
like
these
,
For
Use
,
for
Ornament
,
and
Ease
!
Man
only
seems
to
Sorrow
born
,
Naked
,
defenceless
,
and
forlorn
.
Yet
we
have
Reason
,
to
supply
What
Nature
did
to
Man
deny
:
Weak
Viceroy
!
Who
thy
Pow'r
will
own
,
When
Custom
has
usurp'd
thy
Throne
?
In
vain
did
I
appeal
to
thee
,
Ere
I
would
wear
his
Livery
;
Who
,
in
Defiance
to
thy
Rules
,
Delights
to
make
us
act
like
Fools
.
O'er
human
Race
the
Tyrant
reigns
,
And
binds
them
in
eternal
Chains
.
We
yield
to
his
despotic
Sway
,
The
only
Monarch
All
obey
.