LONDON:APOEM,InImitationoftheThirdSATIREofJUVENAL.ByMr.SamuelJohnson.——QuisineptaeTampatiensurbis,tamferreusutteneatse?Juv.
"Who is so patient of the foolish [wicked] city, so iron-willed, as to contain himself?" (Michael Ortiz, The Heights School).
Juvenal, Satires1.1, lines 30-31.
JUV.Sat.III.Quamvisdigressuveterisconfususamici;Laudo,tamen,vacuisquodsedemfigereCumisDestinet,atqueunumcivemdonareSibyllae.THO'griefandfondnessinmybreastrebel,Wheninjur'dTHALESbidsthetownfarewel,Yetstillmycalmerthoughtshischoicecommend,Ipraisethehermit,butregretthefriend;Whonowresolves,fromviceandLONDONfar,Tobreatheindistantfieldsapurerair,And,fix'donCambria'ssolitaryshore,GivetoSt.DavidonetrueBritonmore.—EgovelProchytampraeponoSuburrae.Namquidtammiserum,tamsolumvidimus,utnonDeteriuscredashorrereincendia,lapsusTectorumassiduos,etmillepericulasaevaeUrbis,&Augustorecitantesmensepoetas?Forwhowou'dleave,unbrib'd,Hibernia'sland,OrchangetherocksofScotlandfortheStrand?Therenonearesweptbysuddenfateaway,Butallwhomhungerspares,withagedecay:Heremalice,rapine,accident,conspire,Andnowarabblerages,nowafire;Theirambushhererelentlessruffianslay,Andherethefellattorneyprowlsforprey;Herefallinghousesthunderonyourhead,Andhereafemaleatheisttalksyoudead.Sed,dumtotadomusrhedâcomponiturunâ,Substititadveteresarcus.—WhileTHALESwaitsthewherrythatcontainsOfdissipatedwealththesmallremains,OnThames'sbankinsilentthoughtwestood,WhereGreenwichsmilesuponthesilverflood.StruckwiththeseatthatgaveQueenElizabethbornatGreenwich.Elizabirth,Wekneel,andkisstheconsecratedearth;Inpleasingdreamstheblissfulagerenew,AndcallBritannia'sgloriesbacktoview;Beholdhercrosstriumphantonthemain,Theguardofcommerce,andthedreadofSpain.Eremasqueradesdebauch'd,exciseoppress'd,OrEnglishhonourgrewastandingjest.Atransientcalmthehappyscenesbestow,Andforamomentlullthesenseofwoe.Atlengthawakingwithcontemptuousfrown,IndignantTHALESeyestheneighb'ringtown.HictuncUmbricius:Quandoartibus,inquit,honestisNullusinurbelocus,nullaemolumentalaborum,Reshodieminorest,heriquamfuit,atqueeademcrasDeteretexiguisaliquid:proponimusillucIre,fatigatasubiDaedalusexuitalas;Dumnovacanities—Sinceworth,hecries,inthesedegen'ratedaysWantsev'nthecheaprewardofemptypraise;Inthosecurs'dwalls,devotetoviceandgain,Sinceunrewardedsciencetoilsinvain;Sincehopebutsoothstodoublemydistress,Andev'rymomentleavesmylittleless;Whileyetmysteddystepsno—etpedibusmePortomeis,nullodextramsubeuntebacillo.staffsustains,Andlifestillvig'rousrevelsinmyveins;Grantme,kindheaven,tofindsomehappierplace,Wherehonestyandsensearenodisgrace;Somepleasingbankwhereverdantoffersplay,Somepeacefulvalewithnature'spaintinggay;Whereoncetheharrass'dBritonfoundrepose,Andsafeinpovertydefy'dhisfoes;Somesecretcell,yepow'rs,indulgentgive:Cedamuspatriâ:vivantArturiusisticEtCatulus:maneantquinigrumincandidavertunt.Let—livehere,for—haslearn'dtolive.Hereletthosereign,whompensionscaninciteTovoteapatriotblack,acourtierwhite;Explaintheircountry'sdear-boughtrightsaway,Andpleadforpiratesinthefaceofday;Withslavishtenetstaintourpoison'dyouth,Andlendalyetheconfidenceoftruth.Queisfacileestaedemconducere,flumina,portus,Siccandameluviem,portandumadbustacadaver.—Muneranuncedunt.Letsuchraisepalaces,andmanorsbuy,Collectatax,orfarmalottery,Withwarblingeunuchsfillalicens'dstage,Andlulltoservitudeathoughtlessage.Heroes,proceed!whatboundsyourprideshallhold?Whatcheckrestrainyourthirstofpow'randgold?Beholdrebelliousvirtuequiteo'erthrown,Beholdourfame,ourwealth,ourlivesyourown.Tosuch,agroaningnation'sspoilsaregiv'n,Whenpublickcrimesinflamethewrathofheav'n:QuidRomaefaciam?mentirinescio:librum,Simalusest,nequeolaudare&poscere.—Butwhat,myfriend,whathoperemainsforme,Whostartattheft,andblushatperjury?Whoscarceforbear,tho'BRITAIN'Scourthesing,Topluckatitledpoet'sborrow'dwing;Astatesman'slogickunconvinc'dcanhear,Anddaretoslumbero'ertheGazetteer;Despiseafoolinhalfhispensiondress'd,AndstriveinvaintolaughatH—Y'Sjest.—Fereadnuptas,quaemittitadulter,Quaemandat,norintalii:menemoministroFurerit,atqueideonullicomesexeo.Otherswithsoftersmiles,andsubtlerart,Cansaptheprinciples,ortainttheheart;Withmoreaddressalover'snoteconvey,Orbribeavirgin'sinnocenceaway.Wellmaytheyrise,whileI,whoserusticktongueNe'erknewtopuzzleright,orvarnishwrong,Spurn'dasabeggar,dreadedasaspy,Liveunregarded,unlamenteddie,Quisnuncdiligitur,nisiconscius?CaruseritVerri,quiVerremtempore,quovult,Accusarepotest.—Forwhatbutsocialguiltthefriendendears?WhosharesOrgilio'scrimes,hisfortuneshares:—TantitibinonsitopaciOmnisarenaTagi,quodqueinmarevolvituraurum,Utsomnocareas.—Butthou,shouldtemptingvillainypresent,AllMarlb'roughhoarded,orallVilliersspent,Turnfromtheglitt'ringbribethyscornfuleye,Norsellforgold,whatgoldcouldneverbuy,Thepeacefulslumber,self-approvingday,Unsulliedfame,andconscienceevergay.Quaenuncdivitibusgensacceptissimanostris,Etquospraecipuefugiam,properabofateri.Thecheatednation'shappyfav'ritessee;Markwhomthegreatcaress,whofrownonme.LONDON!theneedyvillain'sgen'ralhome,ThecommonsewerofParisandofRome,Witheagerthirst,byfollyorbyfate,Sucksinthedregsofeachcorruptedstate.Forgivemytransportsonathemelikethis,—Nonpossumferre,Quirites,Graecamurbem.—IcannotbearaFrenchmetropolis.Rusticusilletuussumittrechedipna,Quirine,Etceromaticofertniceteriacollo.IllustriousEDWARD!fromtherealmsofday,Thelandofheroesandofsaintssurvey;NorhopetheBritishlineamentstotrace,Therustickgrandeur,orthesurlygrace,Butlostinthoughtlessease,andemptyshow,Beholdthewarriordwindledtoabeau;Sense,freedom,piety,refin'daway,OfFrancethemimick,andofSpaintheprey.Allthatathomenomorecanbegorsteal,Orlikeagibbetbetterthanawheel;Hiss'dfromthestage,orhootedfromthecourt,Theirair,theirdress,theirpoliticksimport;Ingeniumvelox,audaciaperdita,sermoPromptus.—Obsequious,artful,volubleandgay,OnBritain'sfondcredulitytheyprey.Nogainfultradetheirindustrycan'scape,Augur,schoenobates,medicusmagnus:omnianovit,Graeculusesuriens,incoelum,jusseris,ibit.Theysing,theydance,cleanshoes,orcureaclap;AllsciencesafastingMonsieurknows,Andbidhimgotohell,tohellhegoes.Usqueadeonihilest,quodnostrainfantiacoelumHausitAventini?Ah!whatavailsit,that,fromslav'ryfar,IdrewthebreathoflifeinEnglishair;WasearlytaughtaBriton'srighttoprize,AndlispthetalesofHENRY'Svictories;Ifthegull'dconquerorreceivesthechain,Andflatterysubdueswhenarmsarevain?Quidquodadulandigensprudentissima,laudatSermonemindocti,faciemdeformisamici?Studioustoplease,andreadytosubmit,ThesuppleGaulwasbornaparasite:Stilltohisint'resttrue,where-e'erhegoes,Wit,bravery,worth,hislavishtonguebestows;Inev'ryfaceathousandgracesshine,Fromev'rytongueflowsharmonydivine.Haeceademlicet&nobislaudare:sedillisCreditur.Theseartsinvainourruggednativestry,Strainoutwithfault'ringdiffidencealye,Andgainakickforaukwardflattery.Besides,withjusticethisdiscerningageAdmirestheirwond'roustalentsforthestage:Natiocommoediaest.Rides?majorecachinnoConcutitur,&c.Wellmaytheyventureonthemimick'sart,Whoplayfrommorntonightaborrow'dpart;Practis'dtheirmaster'snotionstoembrace,Repeathismaxims,andreflecthisface;Withev'rywildabsurditycomply,Andvieweachobjectwithanother'seye;Toshakewithlaughtererethejesttheyhear,Topouratwillthecounterfeitedtear,Andastheirpatronhintsthecoldorheat,Toshakeindog-days,inDecembersweat.Nonsumusergopares:melior,quisemper&omniNoctediequepotestalienumsumerevultum:Afaciejactaremanus:laudareparatus,Sibeneructavit,sirectumminxitamicus.How,whencompetitorslikethesecontend,Cansurlyvirtuehopetofixafriend?Slavesthatwithseriousimpudencebeguile,Andlyewithoutablush,withoutasmile;Exalteachtrifle,ev'ryviceadore,Yourtasteinsnuff,yourjudgmentinawhore;CanBalbo'seloquenceapplaud,andswearHegropeshisbreecheswithamonarch'sair.Forartsliketheseprefer'd,admir'd,caress'd,Theyfirstinvadeyourtable,thenyourbreast;Scirevoluntsecretadomûs,atqueindetimeri.Exploreyoursecretswithinsidiousart,Watchtheweakhour,andransackalltheheart;Thensoonyourill-plac'dconfidencerepay,Commenceyourlords,andgovernorbetray.—MateriempraebetcausasquejocorumOmnibushicidem?sifoeda&scissalacerna,&c.Bynumbersherefromshameorcensurefree,Allcrimesaresafe,buthatedpoverty.This,onlythis,therigidlawpursues,This,onlythis,provokesthesnarlingMuse.Thesobertraderatatatter'dcloak,Wakesfromhisdream,andlaboursforajoke;Withbriskerairthesilkencourtiersgaze,Andturnthevariedtauntathousandways.Nilhabetinfelixpaupertasduriusinse,Quamquodridiculoshominesfacit.Ofallthegriefthatharrassthedistress'd;Surethemostbitterisascornfuljest;Fateneverwoundsmoredeepthegen'rousheart,Thanwhenablockhead'sinsultpointsthedart.—AgminefactoDebuerantolimtenuesmigrasseQuirites.Hasheavenreserv'd,inpitytothepoor,Nopathlesswasteorundiscover'dshore?Nosecretislandintheboundlessmain?Nopeacefuldesartyetunclaim'dbySPAIN?Quickletusrise,thehappyseatsexplore,Andbearoppression'sinsolencenomore.Thismournfultruthisev'rywhereconfess'd,Haudfacileemergunt,quorumvirtutibusobstatResangustadomi;sedRomaeduriorillisConatus——OmniaRomaeCumpretio—Cogimur,&cultisaugerepeculiaservis.SLOWRISESWORTH,BYPOVERTYDEPRESS'D:Butheremoreslow,whereallareslavestogold,Wherelooksaremerchandise,andsmilesaresold;Wherewonbybribes,byflatteriesimplor'd,Thegroomretailsthefavoursofhislord.Buthark!th'affrightedcrowd'stumultuouscriesRollthroughthestreetsandthundertotheskies:Rais'dfromsomepleasingdreamofwealthandpower,Somepompouspalaceorsomeblissfulbow'r,Aghastyoustart,andscarcewithakingsightSustainth'approachingfire'stremendouslight;Swiftfrompursuinghorrorstakeyourway,AndleaveyourlittleALLtoflamesaprey;—Ultimusautem,Aerumnaecumulus,quodnudum,&frustrarogantemNemocibo,nemohospitio,tectoquejuvabit.Thenthro'theworldawretchedvagrantroam,Forwherecanstarvingmeritfindahome?Invainyourmournfulnarrativedisclose,Whileallneglect,andmostinsultyourwoes.SimagnaAsturiciceciditdomus,horridamater,Pullatiproceres.—Shouldheaven'sjustboltsOrgilio'swealthconfound,Andspreadhisflamingpalaceontheground,Swifto'erthelandthedismalrumourflies,Andpublickmourningspacifytheskies;Thelaureattribeinservileverserelate,Howvirtuewarswithpersecutingfate;Jamaccurrit,quimarmoradonet,Conferatimpensas:hic,&c.Hicmodumargenti.—Withwell-feign'dgratitudethepension'dbandRefundtheplunderofthebeggar'dland.See!whilehebuilds,thegaudyvassalscome,Andcrowdwithsuddenwealththerisingdome;Thepriceofboroughsandofsoulsrestore;Andraisehistreasureshigherthanbefore.Nowbless'dwithallthebaublesofthegreat,Thepolish'dmarble,andtheshiningplate,Meliora,acplurareponitPersicusorborumlautissimus.—Orgilioseesthegoldenpileaspire,Andhopesfromangryheav'nanotherfire.SipotesavelliCircensibus,optimaSorae,AutFabrateriaedomus,autFrusinoneparatur,Quantinunctenebrasunumconducisinannum.Hortulushic—Vivebidentisamans,&cultivillicushorti,UndeepulumpossiscentumdarePythagoraeis.Could'stthouresigntheparkandplaycontent,ForthefairbanksofSevernorofTrent;Theremight'stthoufindsomeelegantretreat,Somehirelingsenator'sdesertedseat;Andstretchthyprospectso'erthesmilingland,ForlessthanrentthedungeonsoftheStrand;Thereprunethywalks,supportthydroopingflow'rs,Directthyrivulets,andtwinethybow'rs;And,whilethybedsacheaprepastafford,Despisethedaintiesofavenallord.Thereev'rybushwithnature'smusickrings,Thereev'rybreezebearshealthuponitswings;Onallthyhourssecurityshallsmile,Andblessthyeveningwalkandmorningtoil.—Possisignavushaberi,Etsubiticasusimprovidus,adcoenamsiIntestatuseas.Preparefordeath,ifhereatnightyouroam,Andsignyourwillbeforeyousupfromhome.Ebriusetpetulans,quinullumfortececidit,Datpaenas,noctempatiturlugentisamicumPeleidae.—Somefieryfop,withnewcommissionvain,Whosleepsonbramblestillhekillshisman;Somefrolickdrunkard,reelingfromafeast,Provokesabroil,andstabsyouforajest—Sed,quamvisimprobusannis,Atquemerofervens,cavethunc,quemcoccinalaenaVitarijubet,etcomitumlongissimusordo,Multumpraetereaflammarum,atqueaenealampas.Yetev'ntheseheroes,mischievouslygay,Lordsofthestreet,andterrorsoftheway;Flush'dastheyarewithfolly,youthandwine,Theirprudentinsultstothepoorconfine;Afartheymarktheflambeau'sbrightapproach,Andshuntheshiningtrain,andgoldencoach.Nectamenhoctantummetuas:namquispolietteNondeerit:clausisdomibus,&c.Invainthesedangerspast,yourdoorsyouclose,Andhopethebalmyblessingsofrepose:Cruelwithguiltanddaringwithdespair,Themidnightmurd'rerburststhefaithlessbar;Invadesthesacredhourofsilentrest,Andplants,unseen,adaggerinyourbreast.Maximusinvinclisferrimodus:uttimeasneVomerdeficiat,nemarraeetsarculadesint.Scarcecanourfields,suchcrowdsatTyburndie,Withhempthegallowsandthefleetsupply.Proposeyourschemes,yesenatorianband,Whosewaysandmeanssupportthesinkingland;Lestropesbewantinginthetemptingspring,Toriganotherconvoyforthek—g.Felicesproavorumatavos,feliciadicasSecula,quaequondamsubregibusatquetribunisVideruntunocontentamcarcereRomam.Asinglejail,inALFRED'Sgoldenreign,Couldhalfthenation'scriminalscontain;FairJusticethen,withoutconstraintador'd,Heldhighthesteadyscale,butdeep'dthesword;Nospieswerepaid,nospecialjuriesknown,Blestage!butah!howdiff'rentfromourown!Hisaliaspoteram,&pluressubnecterecausas:Sedjumentavocant.—MuchcouldIadd,butseetheboatathand,Thetideretiringcallsmefromtheland:—Ergovalenostrimemor:"iesteRomatuoreficiproperantemreddetAquino,MequoqueadEleusinamCererem,vestramqueDianamConvelleaCumis:satirarumergo,nipudetillas,Adjutorgelidosveniamcaligatusinagros.Farewel!—Whenyouth,andhealth,andfortunespent,Thoufly'stforrefugetothewildsofKent;Andtir'dlikemewithfolliesandwithcrimes,Inangrynumberswarn'stsucceedingtimes;Thenshallthyfriend,northourefusehisaid,Stillfoetovice,forsakehisCambrianshade;Invirtue'scauseoncemoreexerthisrage,Thysatirepoint,andanimatethypage.