THE CUB, AT NEW-MARKET. POETS, for most part, have been poor; Experience tells us; — Proof too sure. "Ay, may be so," Lord RICH exclaims, Who Fortune's Will incessant blames, "It may be so; but yet, confound 'em, " They still have Jollity around 'em. " PRAY, my good Lord! — 'tis no Offence To ask by rules of common sense, — Is not this distribution right? — At least I view it in that light; For 'tis but just that ev'ry Creature Should have some favour from Dame Nature. RICH shrugs his shoulders; — "Why, perhaps, " 'Tis as you say "— then sudden slaps His fist upon his buff-clad thigh, And surly grunts," Don't know, not I. "But come, don't you your Promise fail, " Do, give us now that same new Tale "Of Mirth; — 'twill serve my spleen t' appease, " And set my troubled mind at ease. " I will, my Lord! but hope you'll make Allowance for a Youngster's sake. "O never fear. " — Don't look so grim, You seem dispos'd my back to trim; That Cudgel looks so wondrous strong, 'Twould sweep a dozen Tars along. "POH! Poh! this idle trifling! nay, " Come, Sir, youdine with me to-day. " BRAVO! my Lord! Oh, now I'm fee'd, Wise as a Lawyer I'll proceed. LORD E*******N, who has, you know, A little dash of whim, or so; Who thro' a thousand scenes will range To pick up any thing that's strange, By chance a curious CUB had got, On SCOTIA's Mountains newly caught; And, after driving him about Thro' London, many a diff'rent rout, The comic Episodes of which Would tire your Lordship's Patience each; New-market Meeting being near, He thought 'twas best to have him there; And, that your Time I mayn't consume, View him in the New Coffee-Room! THERE soon his noble Patron gay Flies to his sportive Friends away: While the Poor Being hums a song, Astonish'd to behold a Throng Of DUKES and LORDS! — Bless me! he thought; Enchantment surely here has wrought! SOMETIMES stock-still he stood amaz'd, And with a stupid wonder gaz'd; Admir'd at ev'ry thing he saw, Ev'n Spurs would his attention draw; Much more MILITIA COL'NELS GREAT! The Bulwarks of BRITANNIA's State! Whose strut majestic made him shrink, As on a Promontory's brink: In short, size, colour, voice, and shape, Made our Prodigious Hero gape! Such charms in Novelty we find, Such it's effect on ev'ry mind. SOMETIMES, he, with an awkard stride, Would lift his legs, from side to side; While Stars reflecting Phoebus' light With beamy radiance struck his sight: Then, as his visive orbs grew dim, Began to think some look'd at him; And Bashfulness, he knew not why, Brought tears into his sheepish eye. WHAT could the luckless fellow do? For not a single soul he knew. At last a corner pure and snug He chanc'd to spy, which made him hug Himself with joy. — There down he sat, Of Solitude fond as a Bat: And like a man at point of death, Scarcely squeez'd forth above his breath, "Here, get me Paper, Pen and Ink, " For, Waiter, I will write, I think. " AND now, my Story, pause awhile; Till I, in Hudibrastic stile, Attempt to give you as I can, The Portraiture of this Wild Man. HE was not of the iron Race, Which sometimes CALIDONIA grace, Tho' he to Combat could advance — Plumpness shone in his Countenance; And Belly prominent declar'd, That he for Beef and Pudding car'd. He had a large and pond'rous head, That seem'd to be compos'd of lead; From which hung down such stiff, lank hair, As might the crows in Autumn scare. TWO hours thus studious past or more; Afraid to venture on the floor, He rather thought on something new, Nor dreamt he any notice drew. SEDLEY, a truly worthy Knight, In whom strong sense quick parts unite, Whose humour of peculiar cast Surprizes you from first to last; Who, tho' few really are more wise, To look a little foolish tries; And likes Exotics to discover, As a fine Lady a new Lover; To the consounded Put comes near, Tips him at once a friendly leer, And thus accosts him: "How now, Squire? " Why, you've already wrote a Quire; "Yet still continue to go on: " What! will your labours ne'er be done? "'Tis said that you and EGLINTOUN " Our History are handing down: "No doubt, 'twill be a Work compleat; " All former Authors will be beat: "Out with Proposals — for my share, " I'll instantly subscribe, I swear. " JUST in the moment as he spoke, The sprightly PEER, with switch of oak, Popt in his nose — "Faith, good enough, " Sir CHARLES my friend! You Jockey bluff! "We'll give you leave — no favour light — " Here to throw in a willing mite. "You, to Parnassus who resort, " And the Pierian Ladies court, "Come, touch us up a sketch in rhime, " And shew your genius — now's the time. "To the best JUSTICE in the Nation — "The Squire I mean — make Dedication; " And I, who have a knack that way, "Will whistle Notes to what you say: " Nay, more, in attitude burlesque, "Will draw the CALIBAN grotesque; "Who in the Frontispiece shall stand, " And, ludicrous, your mirth command. " THIS last Design was scarcely broach'd, When, lo! the MONSTER fell approach'd! The Justice in one arm he lugs, And the thin Spectre onward tugs. OUR CLOWN (like country mouse of old, 'Bout which in HORACE we are told) Quak'd timid, as, with horrid grin, He saw HIM shake his triple chin; Th' affrighted Animal would skulk, And hide him from th' ENORMOUS BULK. YOU'll easily believe, My Lord! That this could no small fun afford; And set — nay call me not queer Dog — Their Gelasticity agog. AT first the circle held but few; Till, as the loud laugh stronger grew, DUKES, LORDS, and COMMONS fondly join'd, Eager the mighty joke to find: Not one of 'em a sentence spoke, With peals of laughter like to choak; Each as he came th' infection seiz'd, And by his friend behind was teaz'd With "What's the matter?" — All at once, The friend behind turns equal Dunce. IN short, the Hounds, when in full cry, Ne'er struck with so much force the sky, As this blithe Chorus did assault The Coffee-Room's resounding Vault. MEANTIME, Sir CHARLES, who seem'd to pry Into the Jest, with aspect sly; His visage veiling with a gloom, Slip'd to the middle of the room, Pull'd half a dozen by the sleeve, And whisper'd each; "You may believe, " I'm forc'd to tell you what is true, "Why, damn it, Sir! they laugh at You." AND now, my Lord! — And now, in end, To what does all this Story tend? IF you're so good as to allow, I'd willingly the Moral show. "Ha! ha! my Boy! with all my heart; — " You're now to play a serious part. "Wisdom to learn from such as you, " Is surely something very new. " YOUR Lordship here then may observe, That Nonsense frequently will serve To set a table on a roar, And drive dull Sadness out of door. From whence, that Folly is at least Harmless, I think should be confest; And that in life it may be well, Sometimes to hunt the Bagatelle. LIKEWISE we see that Fate ne'er fails To weigh things in impartial scales: For, tho' some People are more blest, With Understanding than the rest, She some external Oddity Bestows, which they themselves can't see, Or some particular defect, Which, while they indolent neglect, To Mortals of inferior sort, In harmless Satire serves for sport. THUS is the Ballance render'd even; Here view the equity of Heaven.